Pathology down

So that was a terrible test. The questions that they asked on the test included material that I did NOT focused. It was very unexpected for my buddies as well. Lot of it involved process of elimination...which means, learning new things on the test...woah....did not want that to happen after studying so much for the test.

I don't feel like I'm done with Pathology until I check my grade but we're all currently in a limbo where we are expecting a horrible grade on the final.

CPD written is Friday....cannot wait to finish and go home! I keep having dreams of failing Pathology and being home with my mom. Terrible mixture of dreams....and hopefully the first part doesn't become reality. Here's to hope, praying to God, and some motivation to study CPD right now.

1 down.

CPD practical is DONE. Definitely performed my best on that exam....except for the nerves that got to me.

Now for Pathology and CPD written exams....let's go finish those too.

Interlude

I have to make an update at this point - two weeks before finals of 4th term. I'm thoroughly exhausted and ready for a break. I'm not failing classes (which is wonderful!) but studying for the rest of CPD and Pathology is just painful at this point. Thank god for great friends and family, I'm able to keep the motivation and spirits up a bit.

Last night, I connected with someone from my family who I'm closest to, and she understood everything I was going through. As much as I love sharing the pain here, it was good to be reassured that studying in medical school is tough in every generation. It's probably easier for us with access to internet and simplified notes, but memorizing all this information is still a feat in itself.

What else? I think taking a break after the 2nd exam was a good idea. I still attended lectures, prepared for labs and somewhat studied along....but taking a day off or two, celebrating Thanksgiving, and watching movies was a lot of fun and soul-restoring.

Well, now back to the grind, and to finish this semester off once in for all. 

Path system I exam status - DONE.

Holy shit, that test was a whole new level of insane. So many details, and questions that were not even related to what we learned in class and lab. For some of the questions, I did know the answers for sure. But others were a guessing game. Even when I analyzed my way through the answer choices, I couldn't know for sure if I was right. Which is very annoying. And the time kept ticking....


One thing is for sure - we're done with the supposedly hardest test of 4th term.

Saturation point

This is what I call saturation point. I've reviewed all of the material except for the Pediatrics section. I haven't done many practice questions, and hopefully I"ll have time for those tomorrow.

Not too excited for this scary test. I don't know what it means to feel prepared for it either. 

"The hardest part (about CPD practical exam) is to overcome your fear"

~ Clinical tutor

We’ve had some good advice-giving tutors. He also said to be nice to ourselves, and trust that anything on the test will be something we have seen in lab….which is comforting.

So what about fear? It's still present, still haunts me and works together with anxiety to block my frontal lobe thinking. Sucks. But work is in progress.

Ritual

"The occupation of a student is to study." ~ My dad, my clinical tutor's dad, and others (other dads?)

That phrase is nice to hear, and to be reminded of, but in practice it's very annoying. It's hard to keep studying all the time. How does studying even become an occupation?

After cleaning my desk tonight with packets of Pathology, CPD lab notes and tons of colorful highlighters and post-its, I've realized studying has become a ritual to me. Every day I wake up looking at a bright morning with a clean desk, ready to study (And yes, I get a nice view of the ocean and the waves coming ashore). The timings are not all set in stone, but the ritual is still the same. Wake up, get ready, eat, study. Take a break, socialize a bit, eat more...back to studying. More studying....and finally wind down for the night. Rinse and repeat.

I've also noticed a pattern in what I do in my break time. Listening to a song or two, talking to my roommate, grabbing something crunchy and maybe, if I'm lucky, visit the dock. It's really nice actually. I have actually come to liking the act of studying. Each time, I've begun to perform this ritual with more care, and I work towards learning better each day. Also, I've been more efficient with my time. It's okay to take an extra 10-15 minutes to relax. It's okay to stop studying Micro because nothing goes into my head. And it's okay to go on Facebook to keep in touch with people.

Well, I never thought this day would come where I would actually like studying. So huge leap for me? I think so.

October light

Today, it's been a downhill since Pathology lab ended in terms of productivity. I had a plan or was going to prepare for one, but I just got mentally and environmentally disturbed. Shouldn't have let everything affect me so much. 

So I went to the gym. And shot some hoops for a bit in the hopes of recovery. Which helped, a bit. I finally have my focus on (except for now, I had to make this short post).

I did sit down on my bed and ponder for a good while before I started studying about lymphomas and leukemias (which are still a puzzle to me). I kept questioning myself - what is most interesting to me about studying? Why do I want to study this material? What is the purpose of studying it?

....eventually, I got to why am I here? why am I in medical school, trying to be a future physician. After a LOT of digging through, I realized I have NO IDEA. And that's fine. I used to be confused about what I'd do as a physician, and develop wonderful ideas which inspired me. But honestly, I have no idea why I chose this path over others. Why didn't I become an engineer and help the world in that way? Why am I in medical school to study this material? Well I know why they teach us these particular courses....but I have no idea where this path is going to take me. 

I guess this whole time, I've been making up a TON of rationalities. And none of them are satisfying and convincing enough as "I have no idea" at this point. So hopefully I'd like to figure out why I'm here.

Fourth term

I am extremely nervous about starting this term. Mostly because I know it's going to push me to my limits...mentally, physically (I dunno about this), and basically disturb any internal balance I have with myself.

Bracing myself with this post. Here's to a good start to a difficult, horrifying, scary, challenging semester.

1 final down

Just finished my final for Neuroscience and I have to take notes of a couple of things:

Before I write more about this studying thing...please take note that I have been getting by with cramming a lot of information closer towards the exams. All the information we're learning is fascinating but to do well in medical school (at least here), there is certain information you just have to memorize. Yes, understanding definitely helps. But when there is a minute and a half given for each question, it really helps when you can recall things off the top of your head. So I have made a new regimen to studying that has helped....not sure about working but it definitely helps on test questions

- Look at objectives, they really do make test questions from them...holy smokes.

- Practice questions are just to test yourself, but in no way resemble the test

- Review ALL of the material once (better yet, twice) before the test day or two

- Go back to material you're weak on...and if you don't get it, go over it again....and again, until it sticks. Do whatever you need to - draw it out, color it, make stupid symbols and ridiculous explanations. 

Pray to God and hope that you'll get through....with this amount of pressure to pass these tests and get through, sometimes I need luck and some blessing.

That's all for now. Now for a good nap....

Halfway through Term 2

Haven't written anything in a long time here because I've shifted to using Tumblr...which seems like a viable blogging medium during the semester. But, do not fear, I'm here to update on Ligamentum Flavum.

Term 2. What can I say. It started out so well, with just Parasitology and CPM. Parasitology was really interesting to me...maybe the professor did a great job at keeping things interesting. But I had a great work ethic going for the first two weeks. After the classes finished, everything went downhill. Everything except for the workload.

I had lost my motivation for a long time...and my only saving grace at this point had been Cardiophysiology. At one point, I went to classes only for the Cardiophysiology lectures. The professor had a great sense of humor and all of the material just seemed to compile in my head really well. I could connect to it, apply it and explain it inside out. Neuroscience was the completely opposite case. It had too many overwhelming lectures and the focus of what to study was just a jumble.

As for Genetics and Immunology, two random classes in my opinion. Immunology started to make sense towards the end but Genetics is just a lot of information that doesn't connect very well. The diseases presented in class, however, clicked with diseases we learned in Neuroscience or from Anatomy/Biochemistry last term. But in my opinion, they could have done a better job with how the lectures were organized.

Overall, the semester has been much more relaxing than last term. One big thing I've learned is how to ask questions. And this continuous questioning and filing of information in my head organized information in my head better. Midterm studying involved a lot of studying the 2 weeks before the test. But I think critically judging the information I had at hand improved my reasoning skills.

Another thing I've noticed throughout the semester - all of my friendships have blossomed. In some form or another. Maybe I've spent too much time on this. But living in this new dorm with different roommates and neighbors helped me cope much better with stress. Sometimes, I forget that we're on an island away from all of our individual worlds. School, classes, struggling for our own routines is bringing us together, to a certain extent.

There is so much more to write....but I will leave it there because of 8am lectures....

Adios for now. 

Wassap Term 2?

So it's been a wonderful winter break. Mostly because it was very much needed and I utilized to the full extent by catching up with family, friends, food and sleep. These are starting to become luxuries in life - I guess I'm finally entering adult life.

This break started out very interesting. At first, I sighed with relief to finish the term....I was home again. But on the other hand, I was constantly fiddling in my head about stress. I didn't have anything to stress about. So I was stressed, worried, constantly looking for panic attacks or some sort of heavy pressure on my body (like when you sit in a garbage bag with your head out and vacuum it out....you feel the atmospheric pressure and basically can't move even if you tried as hard as you can...you guys should try this, it's fun). And then the dreams....the dreams with random medical information I've learned in Biochem....or Anatomy. But mostly Biochem. Ceruloplasmin to be specific.

After two weeks of this, our family got together with our cousins. Getting together with family relaxed me a bit. The medical school dreams started to wear off. I was "away" from my home in the US but still with family. I always had a constant urge to learn something new though. So I started learning Word of the Day. Zeitgeist, Taciturn, Duckboard, Raillery....and it's about to stop soon because I'm losing interest.

I also did manage to catch up with a lot of movies. Sherlock Holmes 2 was the first one...awesome movie. That movie kept my brain working, which I really enjoyed. I'm starting to realize that I can't keep my brain idle for too long....which may or may not be a good thing. I'm so restless if I do the same things everyday. There are only few things that I can do regularly and never get sick of - sleep and eating food. I sincerely love the feeling of sleep and eating food.

Lets see...new years. My first New years in New York City was pretty epic. We stood on the Brooklyn bridge (because we hate the stupid ball drop which I have seen for countless years on TV)...and waited for the huge time display to turn 12:00 and for the fireworks to blast over the river. And hey, 2012 is here. Seems too uneventful right now compared to all the other years I've anticipated. It's probably because I've utilized 2011 to the fullest extent.......and will be doing the same with 2012!

So my flight is tomorrow. It's gonna land directly in Grenada. Straight in the air and down. Boom. Back to "reality". Reality in the Caribbean. I still can't seem to grasp that medical school is part of my life. Major part of this winter break, I've spent aligning my ideas/beliefs/experiences with the world back home. We're so isolated from the US and the "world"....takes time to place yourself in the circle again.

But good news is, for the first time in my life, I'm ready for this change again. I've never felt this way. Usually I need a couple of weeks, sometimes months or years trying to adjust to new changes such as moving or starting school again. But this time, I'm all packed and ready. I guess this was an appropriate amount of time for break for me. How did SGU know that? Good planning on their part.

I can see myself being stuck in the rut very soon and very fast...so blogging might not happen until my first set of finals. Which by the way are in TWO weeks! Yikes.

So peace out ya'll, for now....and I wish you a very happy & healthy new year!

Wassap Term 2?

Butterscotch